you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
