If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
