You're completely useless in the revolution.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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