took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize