I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
