I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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