If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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