In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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