is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
