Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
