Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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