i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize