The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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