Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
