I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
