im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
