Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
