I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
