Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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