Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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