so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
