what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
thus making me awesome and them whores
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
