I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
