Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
