Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
