Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
