operation have a gay friend backfired
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have aggressive nipples.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
