If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
