dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Fuck appropriateness.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
