Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
they need to just BURY HIM!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
