i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
