so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
