tequila makes me forget i have legs
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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