"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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