hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
