Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
