If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
