Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
