He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
