the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
