well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
