I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
