just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize