So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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