Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Your penis caused this!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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