the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
