I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize