Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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