ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
