I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
