oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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