If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
