So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
True but thats because hes a fetus.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
