the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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