Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I could fuck to npr.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
