I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
