Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
