that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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