What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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