i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
