You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
