theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Is it because I queefed?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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