There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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