Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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