no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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