How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
