We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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