Just fell off a train. Bad.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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