Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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